It All Seems So Simple...

So I was talking to my little brother this morning. I have two, one is a junior in the fast track pre-med program at Kalamazoo College and the other is a freshman majoring in engineering at Western Michigan University.  Of the the three of us, I am clearly the stooge, but that's ohk because neither of them have an ounce of street smarts and common sense. So what I lack in logic and analytical schools I make up for in full in those areas (and I like to think I get special points for creativity, too). My little brothers have always basically been my rocks so it's been hard (on top of everything else that's been going on) not seeing my family at all but I barely talk to my brothers which feels horrible. I should be a support system for them while they are struggling through school (or dominating it, which is more likely), instead, I finally get to talk to my brother who just took his MCAT, is going to be in Mexico for Study Abroad for 4 months next semester and I haven't actually spoken to since JULY(!) and what do we talk about instead of his amazing experiences? We talk, well argue, really, about how pessimistic I am about things and about all the crap I'm going through. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Wow. I'm done. It took ruining a (rare) conversation with my brother for this to really set in but this is it. No more dammit. The negativity, the constant cynicism and the lack in self-worth, confidence, esteem (whatever other synonyms you can think of for it) are turning me into a narcissistic little whiny bitch and I have had it with myself. So yes, there's a lot of shit happening and it seems like there's not much of a bright spot in all of it but like the saying goes, when it rains it pours but eventually something will go my way and things will be ohk and I really need to remember that and hang on to that. I am going to be positive about my situation and that is my resolution, no it's more a revolution.  I am young, and in love, and very loved, and (almost) healthy and the world really is at my feet I just need to take hold of my own life and future and I can.

On another note, now that I've figured out that I want to be an educator I am left trying to figure out where (and how) I want to go about getting my Masters.  I had breakfast with a professor of mine and she told me about a position that opened up at RU that I want so incredibly badly and I'm actually qualified for it and I'd be awesome at it.  The problem is I have no idea how many people are applying for it, and although he's still going to write me one, Michael Lasswell, my mentor all through school is writing a reference for his friend (you may remember him as the older guy who would occasionally help out with paint crew) who is very creepy and simply rubs me the wrong way and I know that Heather McCowen will not hire him and Michael has to realize that and yet I'm the one getting the watered down reference. Boo. On the other hand, I'm an actual graduate from CCPA who has a real interest (and future) in education and I have a reference from Sean Kelley so I will hopefully at least get interviewed. We shall see. I want it so badly though, which worries me because I really have my hopes up and so far that hasn't gone well for me. Send me good thoughts? Please?