it is a VERY big deal

I am both inspired and appalled by the stories I've been reading and hearing about lately about kids that are killing themselves after emotional bullying leaves them with no reason left to live. This strikes all kinds of nerves in me, and they very contradictory, which makes me uncomfortable.

I had already heard about the death of the young gay boy who killed himself after near constant torment by bullies as well as a few other young people who were driven to do the same by bullies when I happened upon an article in Cosmopolitan Magazine that featured a young girl who was "bullied to death".  My first thought was "Wow, how is it that kids keep getting meaner?" But after I read the article, I stunned myself after thinking, "Nope, sounds the same to me."  I immediately felt guilty for thinking what I was thinking but I also felt angry. I was angered by people's intolerance and general ignorance (those are two things that make me the most furious in this world) but I was also angry because I hate suicide. I hate it, a life is simply not worth just throwing away. I don't care who calls you a slut or a retard or whatever other slur you want, killing yourself is NEVER the answer. Only cowards take the easy way out.  This sounds awful and completely unsympathetic which why I felt so incredibly guilty but when you've been able to see first-hand (and multiple times) the damage that is caused by suicide, it is only too easy to come to the conclusion that it truly is never worth it. Never. I'm sorry, the end.

You're probably thinking, woah, what a heartless bitch, what the hell does she know, blah blah blah. Let me tell you. When I was in high school I knew four different families who lost people to suicide. One of the people that died was my friend, another was a friend's mother. Killing yourself can ruin other people's lives completely.  It is horrible that someone can feel so badly and so alone that they want to end it but I can't imagine any situation in which a person is truly alone.  There is always someone who needs you. Maybe you don't believe that but before you take drastic action try and remember that you can have a future. Being tormented now doesn't mean you will be later. You have the choice to let the pain your feeling make you strong instead of weak. If you truly feel you don't have someone to turn to, I implore you to find an outlet. Write, draw, paint, learn to kick box, take up running, pray, whatever, just find something, anything, that you can put your energy into and throw all your pain into that. It will get better someday.  I know because I was bullied from the first friends I made all the way until I graduated college and it still haunts but I believe that I am better for it. I can know now that they're the ones who are weak and they can't hurt me unless I let them. Please find something to believe in, your life is worth so much more than giving up.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Still not buying it...

I don't know why this irritates me so much but the new T-Mobile girl makes me want to throw something at my TV.  Every single time ANY of those ads come on, I change the channel immediately, and sometimes I boo a little at my TV (just a little because loud booing at anything on television apart from sports would just be a little weird and maybe a bit awkward). I'm sure my dislike is in part because I've been a loyal Verizon customer since I was in 11th grade (I'm almost 23 now, that's about 7 years, for the mathematically challenged) and I never plan on changing. In all honesty, I still have a normal phone instead of a miniature computer but if I wanted a smart phone, I would go for one of the Androids that Verizon has. So the latest T-Mobile slander ad that now incorporates Verizon bothers me even more.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news to T-Mobile and their annoying new spokeswoman (they didn't bother me nearly as much when their spokeswoman was Catherine Zeta Jones) but even if they are actually faster than Verizon and ATT, no one gives a crap because even with faster 4G, you're still going to need service to use it, and as an ex-T-Mobile customer, I know that you won't get much service with T-Mobile.  I find it highly amusing that of the three wireless companies mentioned, the only one who doesn't try to directly slander another company is Verizon. My guess is that that's because even if their service is a few microseconds behind ATT, with Verizon you always have some service, that's not true with the other companies. Just a thought brought on by an obnoxious girl in a pink dress.

the grass is always greener...

I have a very dirty habit.  I love reading magazines; Cosmo, Glamour, Allure, Vogue, InStyle, you name it.  Fashion magazines are my guilty pleasure.  Truthfully, it's actually that fashion is my guilty pleasure, but since I don't have the money to actually indulge for myself, instead I choose to torture myself by looking through magazine after magazine and fantasizing about what could be, someday, maybe.  Now this is all harmless and fine except that almost every time I open one of these magazines there is a section for dressing your body type. I hate these sections. Yes there is a petite section, and I am petite, but I'm not really petite because I'm also curvy, but I'm not really curvy because I just have big boobs. Everything else is pretty small. This is never a section in any magazine. There's a Curvy section (sometimes called Hourglass) but I have no hips so it doesn't apply, so I'm definitely not pear shaped, but I'm also definitely not boyish (I'm still not even sure what exactly that means), nor am I plus-sized so I can't go with either of those, which leaves me with Petite, but they expect petite girls to be flat-chested so it rarely works out. Not to mention, Curvy and Hourglass aren't even options some of the time. I say BOO!