So as crazy screwed up and messy as my life may be right now, there is a very bright light that floods my life. In case you were wondering, no, I did not find god and get all religious. However, something almost just as unlikely is the cause of my love for life regardless of financial failure, a complete loss of any idea of what I want my career to be, confusion about what I believe in, fights with my family and the most unhealthy months of my life.
I am in love, and I am loved.
The guy makes me feel like no matter what things will be ohk. Stupidly, I still manage to feel a little uncomfortable with the realization that I rely on him, but since I've always been independent and essentially lonely I guess it's to be expected. It's scary to think that right now, without him I honestly don't know what I would do. Needing someone is possibly the scariest thing I've ever been through, even with the idea that I have no future looming over my head.
A coworker of mine told me the other day that just to have a guy who wants to be there for you and support you and take care of you is amazing and that through all my fear I should remember that the most important thing is what a rare thing it is to have someone like him. I thought that was a beautiful thing she said and it resonated for me, so I guess that helped me let go of my doubt and my stubborn attitude toward being taken care of.
Now all the bad things seem sort of minor (even though most of it isn't) and suddenly everything seems easier to take in because when I talk to him about what I'm going through he talks about how "we" will get through it.
That is an amazing feeling. Terrifying, but amazing.
"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave." - Gandhi
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