Bite Your Tongue!

I think I spoke too soon when I said love makes the bad things seem unimportant because the storm just keeps on coming.

I now have to worry about potentially losing the bright spot in my life because if he doesn't find the teaching position he's looking for next fall then he is going to move somewhere where he can find the job he's looking for. I don't know what to do with myself. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that it's an absolute last resort but something he doesn't realize is that if he just up and leaves me here (regardless of whether or not he wants to) I no longer have a good reason to stay in Chicago.  I'm very seriously struggling right now and a lot of that is for him.  The other day he told me that he loves getting to take care of me and he asked me where I would be without him and I laughed and said back in Michigan, living at home and we were laughing but I was serious and he knows that.  He said that he couldn't have that and kissed me on my forehead. So now I am just a tad confused. He's willing to go out of his way to keep me here with him but then he tells me that he is considering moving away if he doesn't find his ideal job and I am kinda boggled by this. I don't know what to think or how to feel.  I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but I don't know what that means anymore.

On top of this, I had surgery on my toe this morning and had to miss yet another day of work (I have been not so well health wise lately and I have missed a couple days) and I am kinda terrified of no longer having a job at all.  I have been desperately trying to find a different job but I'd rather be miserable and at the bottom line be at the very least employed (even if it's a job that makes me miserable).

Also, my stupid foot hurts. What the Hell?